Prep the produce: rinse the cilantro and roughly chop the leaves and stems; roughly chop the jalapeños, removing the seeds but keeping the white ribs (about 1 cup/3 oz); crush the garlic cloves through a garlic press; chop the red onion.
Heat a small skillet over medium heat. Add 1 teaspoon of the measured 2 tablespoons olive oil and sauté the chopped red onion, stirring, until soft, about 3 to 4 minutes.
Transfer the sautéed onion to a blender and let it cool for 1 to 2 minutes.
Add the remaining olive oil (the rest of the measured 2 tablespoons), the 1/2 cup mayonnaise, 2 tablespoons white vinegar, 4 teaspoons yellow mustard, 1/2 teaspoon kosher salt, and 1/4 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper to the blender.
Add the prepared jalapeños, the 2 cups chopped cilantro, and the crushed garlic to the blender. Secure the lid.
Blend on high until the sauce is smooth and creamy, about 30 seconds. If needed, stop, scrape down the sides, and blend again until fully smooth.